As a sex therapist, I often work with clients at the sensitive intersection of intimacy and trauma. For men in particular, this path often leads to the exploration of wounds left by nonconsensual circumcision and forced genital cutting. Because these procedures often occur in infancy—long before a child has the words to describe their experience—they represent a form of preverbal or somatic trauma that is carried into adulthood and can impact their life in a variety of ways.
While men may lack a coherent narrative or explicit memory of the event, the physiological impact remains stored within the body. This somatic memory may explain why many men in America experience significant medical avoidance. For these individuals, clinical environments or even specific scents, such as iodine, may trigger an instinctive “fight, flight, or freeze” response. These reactions can be deeply unsettling, especially when the individual doesn’t yet understand the “why” behind their body’s automatic reactions.
The Dimensions of Loss
Grief from nonconsensual genital cutting or circumcision experience is a form of body-loss grief, a profound sense of loss that affects individuals physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fortunately, healing is possible through compassionate, individualized care. Somatic trauma processing therapies, specifically, are highly effective in helping clients process and release the trauma stored within their nervous systems.
However, the journey rarely ends with confronting the traumatic event itself. As men begin to voice their pain, they often face a second, more public layer of trauma: social invalidation. They may be told by loved ones, and even misinformed mental-health and medical professionals, that their experience “isn’t a big deal” or that they “should be thankful.” This dismissal can exasperate the pain of their trauma, leaving men feeling isolated in a society that continues to not only normalize this trauma, but to perpetuate it in others.
Deconstructing Societal Norms
Our society perpetuates this cycle of pain by treating routine neonatal circumcision as a trivial matter. This cultural dismissal forces clients to navigate a world that endorses the very practice that caused them harm, adding a layer of systemic betrayal to their personal grief.
True recovery involves addressing each of these complex layers—the physical, social, and systemic. I have seen clients find profound healing through several different avenues:
- Advocacy: Turning their pain into a purpose by protecting future generations.
- Reclaiming: Finding ways to reclaim their body such as foreskin restoration methods.
- Trauma processing: Modalities like EMDR, Brainspotting, and somatic experiencing can help clients process through the trauma and cope with triggers.
- Relational healing: discovering new dimensions of intimacy and pleasure within supportive, affirming partnerships.
A Path Forward
Circumcision trauma is multifaceted and deeply personal. Healing is unique, individualized, and nonlinear. You are the expert on your own experience, and you deserve to choose where your journey begins. If you are looking for an affirming, nonjudgmental community to support your growth, Intact America’s group therapy program provides a space where your story is heard, and your experience is validated. In this community, you will find that you are not alone, and that lasting healing is truly possible.
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